main logo

Age: 13-14 Years

Early adolescence is filled with drama. There are dramatic physical changes of puberty and dramatic mood swings. Young adolescents are egocentric and intensely focused on the question, “how do I look?” They have bright minds and great ideas. The difficulty lies in balancing guidance and open communication with their increasing need for privacy.

SAFETY

  1. Substance use/abuse: This topic must be addressed. Clearly educate about the dangers and the misconceptions (e.g., many teens believe marijuana is not addictive or vape is a safe alternative to smoking). It is not unreasonable to have the expectation that your child should NOT use tobacco, drugs, alcohol, inhalants, diet pills, etc. However, kids see through double standards. Do not tell your child not to smoke if you smoke. Show him or her a good example, stop. Discuss peer pressure openly. Opening the conversation with, “Do your friends do…” rather than “Do you do…” makes it more likely to get an honest answer, and it can open the door of communication. If your child is already involved, seek help.
  2. Car: Wear seat belts when riding in vehicles. Educate about the dangers of texting and driving (so he/she can help police whoever may be driving whenever he/she is a passenger). Fact: Accidents are the #1 cause of death in this age group.
  3. Smoking: Make sure your home and cars are smoke-free zones. Discuss the dangers of nicotine, both smoking and vaping. Also, check smoke alarms to ensure that they work properly, and change batteries annually.
  4. Helmets: Wear a helmet on all things a kid can ride (e.g., bicycles, scooters, go carts, skateboards, ATVs, etc.).
  5. Guns: Lock guns with ammunition separate and in a gun safe. (Disturbing Fact: More children are killed from guns every year than are intruders.)
  6. Sports: Teach safety in sports, including using protective gear (e.g., mouth guards, helmets, knee pads).
  7. Media: Family computers and laptops should be in an easily seen place in the home.
    1. Install safety filters/safeguards to prevent inappropriate material/child predators from entering your home via your computer.
    2. Teach children how to navigate the internet and social media safely (e.g., do not give out personal information, what to do when you encounter inappropriate content, etc.)

NUTRITION

  1. Eat 3 nutritious meals a day and healthy snacks.
  2. Limit high fat and high sugar foods. Limit soft drinks/soda, instead encourage lots of water.
  3. Teach the importance of eating a balanced diet. Help your child choose lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and good sources of protein.
  4. Milk should be low fat. Aim for 3 servings of dairy/day (or calcium rich foods like almond milk, dark leafy greens, etc.). If not, you may need a separate calcium and vitamin D supplement.
  5. Eat meals as a family (around a table with no media). Not only does eating together as a family develop good nutritional habits, it has multiple lasting effects on the social support of a family.
  6. Model good eating habits. Teach the concept of listening to our body’s hunger cues (e.g., eat when you are hungry, stop when you are satisfied).
  7. Keep in mind it is very difficult to eat healthy when eating out (especially at fast food restaurants).
  8. Give a multivitamin daily only if your child is not eating a balanced diet. Other supplements are not necessary unless specifically directed by your physician.

SLEEP

Most teens need 8-10 hours of sleep a night (unfortunately few are getting it). Help make adjustments where possible to accommodate this sleep need. Getting enough sleep has dramatic improvements in academic performance and mood, as well as decreasing risk of obesity.

ORAL HEALTH

  1. Continue to brush twice daily and floss once a day.
  2. Should continue to see a dentist every 6 months.

SEXUALITY

    1. Have discussions (if not already done so) about sex, puberty, masturbation, pornography, development, contraception, and STI’s. It is a common misconception that discussing it is condoning it. Quite the contrary, education is empowerment. Educate your child. Tell him or her what your beliefs and expectations are.
    2. Recognize that sexual feelings are normal, but encourage your child to delay having sex.
    3. Learn how to “say no” to sex. Warn against feeling pressured.
    4. Educate that abstinence, it is the only 100% effective STI and pregnancy prevention method.
    5. If your child is already sexually active, you must discuss safe-sex practices (e.g., contraception, condoms).
    6. Keep in mind, your physician is a good resource if you are uncomfortable having any of these very important conversations with your child.

OTHER

  1. Media Exposure: Set limits (e.g., total time, content, etc.). Make a family media use plan (www.healthychildren.org/MediaUsePlan). Be selective about what media your teen consumes. If your teen is engaging in social media, make sure you follow his/her accounts and give clear direction on what is appropriate to post, comment on, and follow.
  1. Phones: Carefully consider what is the right age for your teen to get a cell phone. At this age, many are starting to get their own phones. Set clear limits and expectations. Establish that the phone belongs to mom/dad who maintain ownership/control over it.
  2. Social Interactions: Praise your teen for accomplishments. When correcting, make the clear distinction that the choices the teen is making, not the teen him/herself is bad. Encourage your teen to talk about feelings and experiences at school and with friends, but don’t be surprised if they are reluctant to do so. Know who your teen is hanging out with. Make a contingency plan for when your teen is a situation where he/she feels unsafe/uncomfortable that he/she can contact you.
  3. Family life: Spend time with your child both individually and together with siblings. Acknowledge conflicts between siblings. Come to a resolution without taking sides. Do not tolerate violence. Provide personal space for your child at home.
  4. Exercise: Aim for a minimum of 60 mins of physical activity a day. Model and encourage an active lifestyle.
  5. Chores: Give your teen chores and household responsibilities (e.g., do the dishes, wash and put away own laundry, mow the lawn, etc.). Having predictable, set jobs every day/week help with consistency and setting expectations.
  6. School: Emphasize the importance of school. Make sure your child is staying on top of his/her own homework, course selection, attendance.

ILLNESS

Treat fever and minor illnesses at home as long as your teen looks and acts ok. Bring your teen to the doctor if: symptoms are severe or prolonged (e.g., fever beyond 5 days, bad cough, etc.), your teen reports specific symptoms (e.g., sore throat, painful urination, etc.), or you are concerned.

YOUR NEXT VISIT

Your teen’s next well check is in 1 year. If shots are up to date, your teen’s next vaccines aren’t until 16 years-old. Depending on the time of year, your teen may also need an annual flu shot.

​Age: 15-16 Years​

Middle adolescence is a great time, filled with growth and maturity. Most girls at this age are nearing the end of puberty, while most boys are in the middle of the process. Peers and acceptance is the predominant focus of most 15 and 16 year-olds. This is the age in which most teens are internalizing their moral values and deciding what really matters to them.

SAFETY

  1. Substance use/abuse: This topic must be addressed. Clearly educate about the dangers and the misconceptions (e.g., many teens believe marijuana is not addictive or vape is a safe alternative to smoking). It is not unreasonable to have the expectation that your child should NOT use tobacco, drugs, alcohol, inhalants, diet pills, etc. If your child is already involved, seek help. Discuss what happens at parties and strategies to avoiding situations where drugs and alcohol are present.
  2. Car: Establish rules for teen drivers. Fact: Accidents are the #1 cause of death in teens
    1. Drivers and passengers must always wear seat belts.
    2. Educate about the dangers of distracted driving, especially texting and driving.
    3. Have a “Call me ANYTIME for a ride” rule, which applies to any situation where your teen is compromised (e.g., they or their friends have been drinking, are in danger, someone is being abusive with them, etc.). Make sure your teen understands that if called, you will remain calm and not get mad. It is most important that they understand they are loved and that you care most of all about their safety.
  3. Smoking: Make sure your home and cars are smoke-free zones. Discuss the dangers of nicotine, both smoking and vaping. Also, check smoke alarms to ensure that they work properly, and change batteries annually.
  4. Helmets: Wear a helmet on all things a kid can ride (e.g., bicycles, scooters, go carts, skateboards, dirt bikes, ATVs, etc.).
  5. Guns: Lock guns with ammunition separate and in a gun safe. (Disturbing Fact: More children are killed from guns every year than are intruders.)
  6. Abuse: Teach your teen strategies to protect themselves from abuse of any type (physical, emotional, sexual/rape). Make sure they seek help if they feel they are in danger.
  7. Media: Family computers and laptops should be in an easily seen place in the home.
    1. Install safety filters/safeguards to prevent inappropriate material/predators from entering your home via your computer.
    2. Continue offering guidance navigating social media. Follow your teen’s accounts.

NUTRITION

  1. Eat 3 nutritious meals a day and healthy snacks. Reinforce the importance of breakfast.
  2. Limit high fat and high sugar foods. Limit soft drinks/soda, instead encourage lots of water.
  3. Reinforce the importance of eating a balanced diet, including lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and good sources of protein.
  4. Milk should be low fat. Aim for 3 servings of dairy/day (or calcium rich foods like almond milk, dark leafy greens, etc.). If not, you may need a separate calcium and vitamin D supplement.
  5. Eat meals as a family (around a table with no media). Not only does eating together as a family develop good nutritional habits, it has multiple lasting effects on the social support of a family.
  6. Model good eating habits. Teach the concept of listening to our body’s hunger cues (e.g., eat when you are hungry, stop when you are satisfied). Watch for any signs of disordered eating.
  7. Keep in mind it is very difficult to eat healthy when eating out (especially at fast food restaurants).
  8. Give a multivitamin daily only if your teen is not eating a balanced diet. Consider a woman’s multivitamin with iron if your daughter has heavy periods and doesn’t eat an iron rich diet. Other supplements are not necessary unless specifically directed by your physician.

SLEEP

Most teens need 8-10 hours of sleep a night (unfortunately few are getting it). Help make adjustments where possible to accommodate this sleep need. Getting enough sleep has dramatic improvements in academic performance and mood, as well as decreasing risk of obesity.

ORAL HEALTH

  1. Continue to brush twice daily and floss once a day
  2. Should continue to see a dentist every 6 months.
  3. Don’t smoke or chew tobacco. It ruins teeth and gums (among other harmful effects).

SEXUALITY

  1. Continue discussions about sex, contraception, STI’s, masturbation, and pornography. It is a common misconception that discussing it is condoning it. Quite the contrary, education is empowerment. Educate your child. Tell him or her what your beliefs and expectations are.
  2. Recognize that sexual feelings are normal, but sex should be a well thought out decision. Engaging in sex comes with a lot of responsibilities and consequences; one should delay having sex until mature enough to handle it.
  3. Learn how to “say no” to sex. Warn against feeling pressured.
  4. Educate that abstinence, it is the only 100% effective STI and pregnancy prevention method.
  5. If your teen is already sexually active, you must discuss safe-sex practices (e.g., contraception, condoms).
  6. If teens are concerned or confused about their sexual feelings (for the same or opposite sex), they should talk with their doctor or a trusted adult.
  7. Keep in mind, your physician is a good resource if you are uncomfortable having any of these very important conversations (including the need for birth control) with your teen.

OTHER

  1. Mental Health: Teach teens to trust their feelings. Listen to the ideas of good friends and trusted adults. Seek help if teens are regularly feeling angry, hopeless, or depressed. Learn constructive ways to deal with stress. Learn to set and achieve goals.
  2. Media Exposure: Set limits. Create media free zones/time (e.g., no media at the dinner table and in bedrooms or after a certain hour). Interesting Fact: The AAP states that the average teen consumes >11 hour of media a day.Yikes! Consider making a family media use plan (www.healthychildren.org/MediaUsePlan). Be selective about what media your teen consumes. Counsel your teen on appropriate engagement in social media, give clear direction on what is appropriate to post, comment on, and follow, and make sure you follow his/her accounts.
  3. Phones: Most teens have their own cell phones at this age. Set clear limits and expectations. Establish that the phone is a privilege that has responsibilities associated with it. Interesting fact: The AAP reports the average teenager sends >100 texts a day and 20% either send or receive sexually explicit images. Now is not the time to be complacent in parenting.
  4. Social Interactions: Praise your teen for accomplishments. When correcting, make the clear distinction that the choices the teen is making, not the teen him/herself is bad. Be available to discuss concerns, feelings, and experiences at school and with friends. Know who your teen is hanging out with and have their cell phone numbers. Make a contingency plan for when your teen is a situation where he/she feels unsafe/uncomfortable that he/she can contact you.
  5. Family life: Respect family members and family rules (e.g., curfew). Spend time with your teen both individually and together with siblings. Expect your teen to make time to participate in at least some family activities. Provide personal space for your child at home.
  6. Exercise: Aim for a minimum of 30-60 mins of physical activity a day. Model and encourage an active lifestyle.
  7. Chores: Give your teen chores and household responsibilities (e.g., do the dishes, wash and put away own laundry, mow the lawn, etc.). Having predictable, set jobs every day/week help with consistency and setting expectations. Just because a teen is involved in more activities doesn’t mean he or she shouldn’t contribute to the household.
  8. School: Emphasize the importance of school. Make sure your teen is staying on top of his/her own homework, course selection, attendance, and extracurricular activities. Discuss openly any frustrations he or she may be having at school. Start discussions of life post high school (e.g., college, military, vocational options, etc.).

ILLNESS

Treat fever and minor illnesses at home as long as your teen looks and acts ok. Bring your teen to the doctor if: symptoms are severe or prolonged (e.g., fever beyond 5 days, bad cough, etc.), your teen reports specific symptoms (e.g., sore throat, painful urination, etc.), or you are concerned.

YOUR NEXT VISIT

Your teen’s next well check is in 1 year. If shots were not given this visit (15), plan next year (16). If a Bexaro shot (for meningitis) was given today, a booster shot should be given in 1+ months. Depending on the time of year, your teen may also need an annual flu shot.

It’s National Teen Driver Safety Week

Did you know that there is a National Teen Driver Safety Week? I didn’t realize it until I was reading through my AAP news this month and it was mentioned.  In 2007, congress designated the third week in October as National Teen Driver Safety Week to raise awareness of safe teen driving. Car accidents continue to be the number one cause of death in teens aged 15-19. That’s tragic. The first few months after getting their license are the most dangerous for teenage drivers. It makes sense. It’s when teens are the most inexperienced.  Additionally, the late teen years happen to be when kids feel invincible, are most likely to engage in risky behaviors, and stay out late (so are driving at night). So it’s definitely an issue worth spending time and energy focusing on.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration campaign focuses on 5 main risks to teen drivers.

“5 to Drive” Risks:

  1. Alcohol use
  2. Not Wearing Seat Belts
  3. Distracted driving
  4. Speeding
  5. Extra Passengers

In researching resources available to help parents who have teenage drivers, I came across the Checkpoints TM Program*. It has all sorts of great information and resources for parents. And added Bonus (for the frugally minded like me), it’s totally free. One of the coolest aspects of the site is your ability to create a personalized parent-teen driving agreement, which I intend to do when my kids are old enough to be driving. The idea is to set the rules before your teen is on the road.

My parents did something similar, it just wasn’t formally written down. As a teen driver, the expectations placed on me where that I never got a ticket or in an accident. The consequence for getting a ticket or in an accident was that I would have to pay for my own car insurance (which I couldn’t afford as a poor teenager earning $7/hr.). I also had a curfew which limited late night driving. While this program is a bit more formal than what I had growing up, I really like the concept. Kids do well when expectations and consequences are clearly outlined. The site is: youngdriverparenting.org.

Good luck and help your teenagers drive safe. After all, I’m on the road with them!

*Developed by the National Institutes of Health, the University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute, and the CDC